Tonight Cameron and I are attending the Transition Fair for Cannon. When he turns 3 he will transition out of ECI's hands and into the school districts. I am so scared. Scared because when we made the decision for Cannon to participate in ECI he was evaluated here on our turf. He was seen in our home. He was eased onto the therapy bandwagon. Now we are going to transition out of our comfort zone and make a change. I am not ready.
Let me rephrase that. I am ready for his speech to improve which it has over the past 3 months. I am ready to understand him. I am ready for him to not have so many fits within a 24 hour period. I am ready to do whatever I have to for him. But I am not ready for change. Got that?
I guess the change that I am thinking about is something that I haven't been able to really talk about openly because the change doesn't just involve me or Cannon. It involves work as well. And I hate the type of change that hinges on "ifs". If this happens then this will happen. If this happens then that can't happen and we go on to plan B. And so on and so on.
Basically if Cannon gets into real school then I can't work next year because I can't be gone from KU for 30 minutes to pick him up and then what do I do with him afterwards? Bring him up there? If it were our regular director then I might try to work something out but since my favorite boss Jill won't be there then I can't count on someone being so flexible and understanding. (ANOTHER IF SITUATION) See my uncertainty? I want to know soon so that I can feel confident in my decision and there won't be any questions about what I am doing about work next year. I can plan on what will happen.
I know my sister is sitting here reading this laughing right now because I am the LAST to plan anything! I mean the LAST, so for me to say that I am ready to get a plan and look forward to something that is still 5 months away is very out of character for me. But then again usually my planning only involves my family so who cares if I am LATE to get things done? This time it isn't just affecting my family.
**UPDATE**
Well we walked away only knowing one thing. Cannon will receive services when he is 3. DUH... I knew that already. I got no answers. I am just sad and frustrated because I had such high hopes of finding out what we were going to do. I think I know my answer of what I have to do but it still needs some more talking through time with Cameron and then we will go with it and just pray that it is the best thing for Cannon. I am exhausted thinking about this. It has consumed my conversations for the past few weeks. UGH!!!!!!!
One thing I know for sure is that God is faithful and He will guide us in what we are needing to do.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
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5 comments:
I just want to say I am so proud of YOU, Cameron, and Cannon!
Hang in there Mommy!! God does have a plan! :)
Caden also participated in ECI’s program. I remember what it was like. I know how demanding the schedule can be with the parade of therapists coming thru your door every couple of days! You are doing the best for Cannon. You are beginning to see the benefits of ECI... and your hard work and Cannon's hard work is shining brightly. Hang in there. You will decide what to do about work, school, and therapy in the right time. I know all too well about what-if’s. I’ve done it more times than I can count over the past few weeks!
Thanks for your kind comment to my latest post. Who knew having babies would ever be this hard, demanding, and rewarding all at the same time! :)
Just hang in there. I know that things will work out for the best for all of you. I am so proud of you.
I Specifically remember the exact same feeling of not knowing what was going to happen and how we would transition Carson into public school for speech etc. One thing you need to do NOW is stay on top of them to get the paper work started... If I remember correctly we had to wait on paperwork... and that was more frustrating... then we had to wait on the ARD and IEP. I know that they will tell you that they will not start before he is three... but I believe that you can request a start on the paperwork... if the childs birthday falls in the summer...so he can start the school year on tract.
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