Crazy... Crazy for feeling so lonely

You know the Patsy Cline song Crazy? That is what I woke up with in my head this morning. I know it was God saying you are crazy for feeling lonely while Cameron is away. I am not alone. I have 3 kids to take care of. How can I feel lonely?

Cameron not being here is making me lonely. I let Gracelyn sleep with me so that I could fall asleep. I used to not be this way at all. But this time things are different. The circumstances are different. While Cameron is on his walk he isn't able to call home between breaks, he isn't able to wish me good night. He isn't a dial away to help calm Cannon down from missing his daddy. He isn't a second away from my endless questions. He is focusing on God and not on me at the moment. I get that. I am proud of that. I expect that but in turn that has made me lonely. Kinda sound high maintenance doesn't it? I don't have to be near Cameron every waking moment but I like to know that at any moment he is accessible. Able to hear me tell him I love him.

Things I do know that are happening this weekend even though he isn't able to talk to me. He is thinking of his family at different times through out his walk. He is thinking of how different things can be. He is thinking of how much we love him and cherish him. He is thinking of what he can do to be a better husband. He is thinking of what he can do to be a better father. I don't think either of these things can improve when life is already perfect but I know Cameron and I know that is what he is thinking at some point in the 72 hours. The most important thing that I know is happening is that Cameron is growing closer to God. That is inspirational to me. I can't wait to hear the excitement in his voice. To share in his revelations. I want to hear his new profound findings.

For me and my walk it was life changing. It was truly a time that God revealed himself to me and my purpose in our church, my family and friends, and as a Christian in this world. I still find myself going back to my old ways sometimes in my thoughts or actions but then very quickly God nudges me back into His word and His teachings and back into His plan. I love that.

I know that God has prepared this special time for Cameron to go and that He has great things in store for Cam. I know it with every fiber in my being. I have been praying that Cameron's heart is open to hear and accept God's plan and that Cam's plans are put to the side.

Tonight I get to get a glimpse of Cameron. I am ecstatic about this. I won't get to talk to him or even touch him but I will get to see him and for me right now that is huge. A look between us is all it takes to say I love you, I miss you, I cherish you!

**Disclaimer** For the crazies on the internet that might perk up that I am home by myself for 3 days. I have a gun and I know how to use it~Just ask my dad when you pass him on the front porch.

Love you all! Continue to pray for Cameron and have a blessed weekend.